Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Who am I anymore?

God has been doing some serious work in my heart over the past 6 months.

I was sitting in bed last night reflecting back on all the huge changes that have taken place over these months, but really over this last year and a half of living in New England! He brought us out to this place we hadn't ever been, Jacob began his first ministry job, then I began my first ministry job and quit my day job, and a few months later found out we were pregnant.

Growing up, I often wouldn't try new things or play sports with friends because I was afraid I wouldn't be good at them. I didn't want to do anything I wasn't good at because I felt like that changed my value as a person. (Yikes, I know.) Through college and post graduation, God has been working that need for others' approval and need to be successful out of me. He's been teaching me that first and foremost I am his beloved child and that is all the definition of myself I need to feel valued.

As an adult, though, I still fall in to similar traps. My job defines who I am - am I proud of it? My husband's job defines who he is - is he appreciated? Are we doing work that matters? What I do in my free time defines who I am - musician, writer, reader. Having a baby changes who we are becoming - mother and father. I have let all of these things, which are very subject to change at all times, define who I am. And I think that's why becoming a mother is so scary to me - it is changing the way I define myself. I will no longer be the young, married without kids worship pastor guitar lady who sings too much. I will be all of those things except also a mom who has a child to consider in how she spends her time.

As soon as I think I've got my feet underneath me and I'm ready to tackle what's been thrown at us, God reminds me he's in control and he's the one who holds us up. No matter how many of our roles change throughout life, he remains the same and we can stand firm in being his children.

So I'm making a declaration here. God, we're in this together and I'm looking to you to lead us to what matters most. I'm so glad we aren't in this alone.


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Weird things pregnancy made me buy

I've found that grocery shopping is an entirely different experience while pregnant. In my first trimester, I felt sick to my stomach constantly, hungry often, and yet also repulsed by almost all food. It wasn't what I would call "fun" per say.

But sometimes the grocery store helped my mixed feelings toward food because I saw other options we didn't have at home that sounded good. 

For instance:
- fruit roll ups (hello childhood, I guess I've missed you?)
- lemonade
- chocolate dipped granola bars (turned out these looked better in the box...)
- ice cream cones (again, my hankering for ice cream quickly died as well, so these are also still in the box)
- captain crunch cereal
- jolly ranchers
- Nestle crunch bars

Looking back, it's no wonder I've put on a few pounds (ha!)... but, to be honest, I was just glad to find things I could eat while fighting nausea.

And to even out the playing field, I've also eaten a ton of fruit, apples + peanut butter, strawberry yogurt, smoothies, chicken, and a fair amount of salad. I've also been chugging water like it's my 9 to 5 job, so I have that going for me at least.

I'm happy to say that the morning sickness subsided about a month ago, so I've been enjoying my newfound freedom as a normal human being again. Here's to hoping my energy returns along with my love for food! :)